Guitar Post

I'm pretty sure I enjoyed my weekend. Although it bothers me that I am unsure of my feelings.

I have my actuary exam in 10 days. Six fucking months of studying and it all comes down to 3 hours on a Wednesday morning. Pass or Fail; no in between. Important moments in life are normally binary like that. Right or Left, This or That, One or Zero.

There will be an overwhelming space of time opened up after this is through. Regardless of the outcome. Let me be cliche real quick and acknowledge that I have realized what people mean when they say "time is precious" ... There's so much to do, and it all requires time. Whether you want to invest your time into studying or reading or learning anything, it requires time. Even if you fuck up and put your time to a use that doesn't work out, you've gotta do something. Idle is the worst.

Take a risk. Don't do nothing.

I am tempted to invest time and money back into playing poker. Not just fucking around for entertainment, but actually learning. Being good at poker is a stair step progress. There are different levels of skill, and I have been stuck at the same level since early college years. That's when I last invested time into playing. If I want to ever improve, I've got to get back to the grind. Read, play, think, learn. It could end up a total flop, but... take a risk, right?

I also started a new book How We Decide. That's another thing I want to do... tear through my bookshelf. I finally finished Fountainhead after what seems like forever. Great book, but I'm happy to pick up a new one.

Okay, I'll go ahead and write about the one thing I want to write about: I'm taking a trip up to Michigan this Fall to see a girl I met this Summer. I feel like I'm in middle school again talking to her. It's not that it's uncomfortable talking with her, it's just different. There's been too many girls that you don't really care as much about that you're more care free. If you say something dumb to them or mess up, no biggie. Here, I don't want to mess anything up.

Really, I'm likely overplaying how big of a deal this is to start with. I have a terrible habit of building things up way more than they are before they even happen. It's not optimism, but it's kind of like brainwashing yourself. If you keep telling yourself one thing, it'll become true... in your head. That's gotta match what's actually going on though.

My guitar is getting better.