life: a matter of perspective

I have two credit cards, now. I never had any during college; I figured it didn't make much sense to compile easy debt when I had zero means to pay for it (that's what student loans are for, I think). But now I have them, and I think I'm scaringly astonished by their magic. It's like the same thing as using a debit card, without the deductions from your bank account. Right? Yah, well... I'll see the other side of it when I have to 'actually' pay for it.

So, I have two credit cards. And I have a job. And I drive to work every day. even tomorrow. I know I went all through this last time, but I'm still not over the whole thing. The whole "grown up" routine thing, that is. Blegh, I think I'm making too big of a deal about it - kind of fun though.

Ironic though. Ironic is probably the wrong word here, so... I'll adjust it to "a weird translation of perspective". Yes, 'ironic' was shorter. I went out last Saturday to meet a friend up for a few drinks, and we were talking to some girls, and to them 23 was young. Ha... what? I guess to a 25-27 year old, 23 is young. But, at the same time, to a 20-21 year old in college, 23 is old. But here comes the question: what about to a 23 year old... Then what am I? Well, I'll still just settle for the answer of 'here'.

I get paid Friday! First paycheck. First signing bonus. First time in the last ~4 years I'll actually have some money. Want to hear some more fun irony: it's also the first time in the last ~4 years that I've got lots planned out to pay for. Insurance, student loans, all my rent, bills, utilities, payments promised back to my parents for recent things etc etc etc.

Oh man, this wheel never stops. Sometimes, I guess you just keep on rolling.

Staying in touch (?)

It's just one of those weird feelings weekends. I'm trying to shake it off, but sometimes you just have to pursue through it and get it over with. I tried working out, running, showering, playing some guitar, and listening to some of my favorite music, but this whole mood just envelops me. I even tried slapping myself, but that proved ineffective and quite stupid.

I've been doing a lot of thinking about "friends" I've made throughout the past. Some of these "friends" are friends. Good people whose company I enjoy, and the type of people that I hope to keep in touch with in the future. People who I care about, and whose weddings I would hope to attend, and who I would have over for a grill out and genuinely appreciate conversations with. As makes sense, these friends take make up a small % of my "friends". (Especially when you use the term "friend" as meaningless as those on facebook (limitless) and those in your cell phone (which now can contain like 500+ contacts!)). So when you come to a transition in your life, which I am encountering now, what do make of all those other "friends"?

Do you do nothing and just let things settle into how they'll be? I mean... I want to delete my facebook and change my phone number! It's not that these people did anything wrong; however, I just have the inclination to cut ties with people with whom I have no purpose to have ties with. God, I feel like an asshole now, but this has just been boggling my head lately.

A better way to put it: I would prefer to sincerely invest my thoughts, feelings, and future with people whom I care about then having thousands of contacts with whom I maintain minimum contact, care, or feelings towards. (I feel better saying it this way).

I hope this weekend turns around... I've been having such a good week too.

Ramblings

"growin up" is a strange concept. (I can already tell this post is going to a rambling roll of unrehearsed lines.) Most people are always striving for some thing in the future. Just think... when you were a kid... what were you aiming for? You would look up to your dad (or mom, ladies) and imagine that one day you would one day be that guy, that adult, that someone who was incredibly important! You would wear your leather soled shoes and iron pressed pants and lean into the mirror to perfect the knot in your tie. You would one day have a brief case full of 'extremely important documents' and drink coffee. One day you would get into your very own car and drive wherever you pleased when you pleased. You could eat fast food at your will or spin your own dinners. You were so awesome, and so in control. Now, run the clock forward for one to two decades...

When does one stop looking forward or looking backward and look down... here and now? Why is it so difficult to appreciate this moment? Admit: I am an extreme planner. Initially I would consider it one of my strengths, but that can easily be a weakness? Set aside the fact that I have excel spreadsheets with my projected budget for the next 6 months. Set aside the fact that I 'think' I know where I'll be next February, and I am already concerned with plans after that. Fuck that man! Sometimes you can hate your self-defining habits? Granted I don't want to be some airy hippy go lucky person who doesn't believe in any of that, but... I want to live now. If you don't, when will you?

My lack of living: I will always be bugged by my lack of travel. Post-highschool, I was supposed to go to Europe with my brother and sister. I said I was. I didn't. No one ended up going. I was more concerned with financing my college degree, which in part, seems responsible, right? Fast forward: then I wanted to study abroad in college! Fun. But shit, it costs more, and I was already interning alternating semesters, so it didn't really fit in to "my plan". To say the least, I didn't. Well, then I had 2 months between college and commencing work. I should visit my buddies up in DC or Boston, or down in Florida. Yet, once again, I find some reason holding me back, and here I am. I had a few job offers coming down to two main: 1) located here in GA, 2) consulting job requiring lots of travel. Which did I take? ... I tell myself I want to travel, but shit, do I?

I warned that this was going to be a ramble... "growing up" tangents right into "traveling" (or lack of). Oops. I don't know. I guess the ramling summary is this:

>> Figure out what it is that you want to do..

>> Figure out the type of person you want to be...

>> Do it now...

>> Be it now...

Easier said than done.

Life 2.0 Encore

I'm completely uncertain whether it's the lack of commitment, or just the lack of a built habit. Regardless, I'm back for an encore, and I'm taking wagers on how many posts this rebound will last! The over/under line is posted at 4.5. Eh, at least I got a goal now to bust all you non-believers.

Let's see... what's happened since August 2009? Well, my entire final semester of college, but that's about it. That shit consumed me. (A-ha, I think I just sherlock holmed the mystery as to why I stopped posting.) Well, if that's the case, then the break-offs should cease. But it was one hell of a roller coaster semester. It was partially awesome, busy, long, poor, stressful, eager, uncertain, annoying, and a little fun. There's not too much good gazing in the rear view though, so... I think that will be my summary of the last semester. Detailed enough?

I'm now a working guy. Oh shit. My whole body just dropped and I felt at least 16 years older. When you're 23 and in college, you can fuck around, do stupid shit, and there's seemingly no real serious consequences. It seems so different now though. Don't get me wrong -- I can guarantee you I'll still do stupid shit (it's my nature), but it just seems like a completely different life: Life 2.0... I hope I do well in it?

Well, there you have it: I left for school, but I returned for a new Life 2.0 encore. At least for ~4.5 posts, we hope.