Ramblings

"growin up" is a strange concept. (I can already tell this post is going to a rambling roll of unrehearsed lines.) Most people are always striving for some thing in the future. Just think... when you were a kid... what were you aiming for? You would look up to your dad (or mom, ladies) and imagine that one day you would one day be that guy, that adult, that someone who was incredibly important! You would wear your leather soled shoes and iron pressed pants and lean into the mirror to perfect the knot in your tie. You would one day have a brief case full of 'extremely important documents' and drink coffee. One day you would get into your very own car and drive wherever you pleased when you pleased. You could eat fast food at your will or spin your own dinners. You were so awesome, and so in control. Now, run the clock forward for one to two decades...

When does one stop looking forward or looking backward and look down... here and now? Why is it so difficult to appreciate this moment? Admit: I am an extreme planner. Initially I would consider it one of my strengths, but that can easily be a weakness? Set aside the fact that I have excel spreadsheets with my projected budget for the next 6 months. Set aside the fact that I 'think' I know where I'll be next February, and I am already concerned with plans after that. Fuck that man! Sometimes you can hate your self-defining habits? Granted I don't want to be some airy hippy go lucky person who doesn't believe in any of that, but... I want to live now. If you don't, when will you?

My lack of living: I will always be bugged by my lack of travel. Post-highschool, I was supposed to go to Europe with my brother and sister. I said I was. I didn't. No one ended up going. I was more concerned with financing my college degree, which in part, seems responsible, right? Fast forward: then I wanted to study abroad in college! Fun. But shit, it costs more, and I was already interning alternating semesters, so it didn't really fit in to "my plan". To say the least, I didn't. Well, then I had 2 months between college and commencing work. I should visit my buddies up in DC or Boston, or down in Florida. Yet, once again, I find some reason holding me back, and here I am. I had a few job offers coming down to two main: 1) located here in GA, 2) consulting job requiring lots of travel. Which did I take? ... I tell myself I want to travel, but shit, do I?

I warned that this was going to be a ramble... "growing up" tangents right into "traveling" (or lack of). Oops. I don't know. I guess the ramling summary is this:

>> Figure out what it is that you want to do..

>> Figure out the type of person you want to be...

>> Do it now...

>> Be it now...

Easier said than done.